The me I lost

I have been trying to write myself a statement of purpose. There is a lot of free advice on the net, some helpful, some incomprehensible and few downright outrageous. One of the former stated '...do not try the what I did with my life approach...'. I was annoyed in a way cause it blew off my last 15 attempts. But it did hit me hard 'cause looking back at the last 6-7 years I had realised a terrible truth, all I could see was a flurry of confused decisions and an existence in monotonous academics. I cannot really place a finger on the reason, but I can blame a number of things in utter disgust. Mostly, my single-minded approach to success. I was brought up to believe that life is not easy, life does not deal easy hands and more succintly, you make your own life.

When I got into engineering I thought that I had it sorted. It was time to put up my legs and take a break. I enjoyed this time I had over the past 3 years the best I could, trying to settle into this new mould, one which gave me a lot more room for myself. Living alone was perhaps the best part of it all. If anybody ever asks me the importance of hostel life I would say it puts people in the world. We step out of our secure shells and become part of a common existence. It can take many forms from a realisation of independence and the concomitant duties to the realisation of the lives that simply put, are not your own. It is in these experiences that I saw the things I had missed.

I met many people, some like me and some vastly different. All of us were at the same point in life. I had no other option but to believe that I picked the shorter straw. If people can have fun, adopt a nonchalant attitude to life and its so called struggles and still come out on top, have I been foolish in looking past all the enjoyment in living? It could just be dumb luck but whatever the case I cannot ignore the truth, I chose to grow up faster. It was my choice and now I feel like I have lost time, like those chaps who go to stars faraway.

But the quintessential question is, has my approach worked? Have I brought myself to succeed? And the answer unfortunately is that there is no success. All we have are short term goals and solutions ending in compromise. The fact is life is not about the carrot on the stick, it is about the neverending struggle to reach it.