My weakness

I have been smoking for a long time. Well, more than five years actually. And people ask me why I smoke and over the years I have come up with several ways of explaining the reason. They tell me its bad for my health. In the words of Ebenezer Scrooge, Bah, humbug!!. Every smoker knows its bad for his/her health. But we all smoke nevertheless. I confess that in the beginning, there was a certain cool factor attached to it. Even if I was smoking on my own time. And perhaps a large part of the blame can be placed on the media, the movie. It makes, smoking look stylish. Call me crazy but quite often in day to day life, I approach solitude as a scene from a movie. To explain better I give you this example. MY first smoke in the day is a ritualistic affair, complete with the black flat coffee. Almost always I am the sole participant of this ritual. And I imagine myself, in third person. The camera panning overhead. A voiceover running through my thoughts. A soundtrack in the background. I call it my out of the body experience. It is my way of enjoying my life. Very pathetic you might say. But then again, I guess I am taking Morrison to heart, and making a movie on my life. A series of shorts.

That was how it started. A cool fad. Intermediately it assumed certain suicidal tendencies, but I do not wish to sully this piece with those long lost morbid thoughts. Just to provide and insight that when smokers know that the smokes are harmful, it may be an effort to hurt themselves. A different way of cutting yourself. I leave it at that. Now, after five years, it is a full blown addiction. And my standard answer these days, 'Every man has a right to at least one addiction'. I think if you don't, you have just bound your life. Living one's life within the confines of a healthy living, what is the point. I am not a believer in long life. So indulging in your addictions is good for the soul. It may all sound like bullshit but these are my thoughts. I leave it at that.